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For those of us foreign to the world of art, it's pretty hard to determine the difference between a million-dollar Picasso and the finger paintings of an intoxicated gorilla.
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Open Question: Inspiration? Something that gets you through difficult times?
I have been with my boyfriend for almost 5 years. The first two years of our relationship were amazing. Everyone saw how much he loved me. We were connected at the hip like twins. I had never felt so loved in my life. He actually rescued me from a very abusive family: my mother was passive and my father was sexually and physically abusive. I knew we were soulmates. I had never had someone love me so much. I have no doubt that he did really love me in those initial years.
He was a great guy. He was the president of his honor's society in college. He played the cello in honors band throughout high school. He was so funny and smart. One day, he just dropped out of college. He said the stress was getting to him. He abruptly dropped out and took F's more everything. He moved out of our bedroom and into the spare room. He would lock the door and never let me in. He started sleeping 16 hours a day and wouldn't do anything. Then he started to hit me. This all came out of the blue. He would announce that "this is what men do". It was like a railroad spike had gone through his brain. He was totally different. He started telling me that he was going to kill me "Amityville Horror" style and various other ways. He started encouraging me to kill myself. This went on for 3 months. I had no idea what to do. I still loved him so much and he obviously just needed help. I know his family has a history of Schizoaffective disorders and we were in our early twenties -- at a time when the symptoms can become obvious. One night things got really bad. He told me that he was going to kill me if I didn't kill myself. He knew that I witnessed a close friend's suicide (yes, the whole thing - not just afterwards) a few months before we met and it had affected me. It was like something took over me. I asked him if he could just smile for me. I told him I had not seen his smile in months and it would make all the difference to me. I told him I was feeling very badly and I was supposed to tell someone. He said "I hope you die" and left, went and locked himself in his room. Something took over me and I passed out. I hit the floor. I woke up in the ER. I had been unconscious for almost a day. I felt so stupid and confused. He showed up at the hospital. he grabbed the metal end of my bed and demanded that I get up and walk out with him. When I told him I couldn't, he started shaking the hospital bed yelling "SHEEP! YOU"RE A SHEEP!" He was kicked out of the hospital, removed by security guards and I was there for 3 days alone. Once I returned home, I told me that he wish I had stayed there and immediately started with the physical abuse again. I left for a womens' shelter, feeling hopeless. Shelters are scary and I felt so lonely. I want to be in the what comforts I had at home. I left after 1 night. He decided that it was time to find another job. He wanted to be a jewel thief, professionally. I urged him to get help. He agreed finally and was put on Paxil. It made him worse. We were drinking at the cafe at Barnes & Nobles. I brought some career magazines over to him, things dealing with martial arts and combat -- things I thought were legal and might catch his interest. He yelled so loudly that everyone in the cafe started. He stood up and swiped all the magazines off the table. I left quickly. He drive to the mall where he stole over $100 worth of petty things and was arrested. The security guards beat him up pretty badly. They claimed he was biting. They choked him. He had marks around his neck. They hit him so hard two of his teeth are now dead. He decided to sue. He had no case. He was charged and it is pending so now he isn't employable, even though he was offered a job as store manager with a large salary. He went through the entire process, drug screening and all, but the pending conviction rescinded his offer. He is no better. He is not hitting me anymore, but he shows no sign of caring for me anymore. He shows no remorse. I know this man is not a sociopath; I knew him before this sudden change. I feel so cynical now. Nothing makes me happy and he won't get help. Honestly, I think it might do more damage after the Paxil incident. I know all meds work differently and there may be a combination of drugs and psychotherapy out there, but I don't know how to feel better. I'm feeling so depressed again and have no one to talk to. Does anyone have any inspiration?
*After collapsing, I woke up in some ward of the hospital, not the ER. I was eventually moved to the cardio ward where they monitored me for 3 days.
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Tampa area event listings, July 6 to 12
Art gallery: Enjoy music and refreshments while experiencing the Kotler Art Gallery's latest exhibit, at 3 p.m. Saturday at the John F. Germany Public Library, 900 N Ashley Drive.
Art supplies - Twitter Search
I need to get some art supplies. Haven't attempted to draw anything in too fucking long
I need to get some art supplies. Haven't attempted to draw anything in too fucking long
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